There was a little biscuit man. He had an icing face with small blue eyes and a little red mouth. He wore a handsome buttercream suit with white icing sleeves and buttons made out of raisins, and on his left lapel he had a half-baked icing heart. He sat in the bakers window all day waving to the people that passed by. The little biscuit man enjoyed his life on the bakers window. ‘it’s always so peaceful here’ he said.
Then one day the baker came to the window with big plate in his arms. He set it down on the window sill and took off the silver dome that was covering the contents of the dish. Everyone on the window sill gasped with amazement.
For on the silver tray there stood an enormous white five layered cake with green icing ribbons and red icing roses. On the very top of this magnificent structure was the most beautiful woman the biscuit man had ever seen. ‘shes beautiful’ said the biscuit man ‘I think I will say hello to her and tell her that I loved her from the moment I met her in seconds.’ ‘I wouldn’t do that if I was you.’ said the old muffin who lived in the corner ‘this isn’t the first wedding cake I’ve seen in this bakery and it probably won’t be the last.’
‘don’t worry about me,’ said the biscuit man. ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen.’
And with that he climbed up the layers of cake up to the top. When he finally got to the top where the beautiful woman was standing he walked towards her and said ‘Hello! I am the biscuit man that lives next to you and has loved you for a full 5 min (which is impressive considering my heart is only half baked). Furthermore, (since you are dressed for a wedding) I see no reason I see no reason why we can’t get married.’
‘I cannot marry you’ the cake bride said. ‘I already have a husband. He would get very jealous if you knew you were here. In fact he is on the cake with me right now. He is over there.’
The biscuit man looked over and there in a crisp suit and hat was the cake groom. He looked very angry just like his bride had said. He walked over to the biscuit man and said ‘We are already married. We have a very important job to do. There is no room for biscuit men with half-baked hearts on our cake.’ The cake groom pushed him off the edge of the cake. The biscuit man tumbled down and landed on the tray were he lived with such a thump that his half-baked heart dropped off. It fell onto the floor and shattered in two pieces.
Years passed and the wedding cake was sold before too long. In its place, the baker placed a platter laden with meat pies. The biscuit man still lay on his baking tray decorating the front window, and enticing the customers inside to buy a treat, and every time someone bought a treat it was eaten. This is a good thing because it means that anything and everything we eat is kept inside of us, and gets to walk and talk and do everything that you and I have been doing for such a long time we take it for granted.
But then one day came a delivery man with a big piece of meat for the baker to make meat pies. The smell of the cooking pies made the biscuit man’s icing mouth almost melt. Before long new pies replaced the old ones that were decorating the window. The biscuit man thought he could hear one of the pies whimpering. He went closer to listen. Knocking on the pastry case of the pie that seemed to be crying, the knock was repeated back.
All of the sudden a little hand broke out of the pie. Out climbed a gravy covered figure the same size as him. Of course by this time the biscuit man was terrified but curious. Gathering his courage, he pulled the figure out of the pie. The figure wiped it’s face clean. The biscuit man looked at the figure and could hardly believe his Blue icing eyes. Wonder of wonders, there stood the Wedding Cake Bride. ‘Thank you for saving me, my dear Biscuit man!’ She cried and wrapped her arms around his neck, covering him with gravy. ‘After the wedding, there was no need for us anymore. Cake groom and I were tossed out the window.’
‘The cake groom walked out on me and, When I tried to go after him, I was swallowed by a cow in the barnyard. That same cow was later sent to the butcher as prime beef, and we all know the baker only buys the very best ingredients for his pies. So I guess I have come all the way back to the safety of the bakery and to you.’
Now the biscuit man was never the same after he was tossed off the wedding cake.After the wedding cake bride broke his half baked heart, the baker decided to replace it with one made of hard Candy. Since then, he had become a much wiser biscuit man He took one look at the wedding cake bride and said to her, ‘If that is the only reason you love me now, then you should have thought of that before you threw me off your cake. As far as I am concerned you can be swallowed by a hundred cows but you’ll find no safety here with me.’ The biscuit man was a wiser judge of character now that he had a harder heart. He had learnt his lesson well, and I hope you can be as wise as him, because sometimes it’s very hard to tell if your beloved will love you back or end up in a meat pie at the bakery (where everyone goes eventually).How do I know this story is true? Because just last Christmas I bought this biscuit man and I ate him for a snack. But you shouldn’t feel too bad for him, because he was a happy biscuit man, and now that he is inside of me, his story is now my story, which I gladly share with you.