Sir Uptitious, one morning, saw a little bird on the window sill.
With on its leg attached tidings from a foreign land.
The noble knight unrolled the piece of paper.
Which was a message written by a Frisian Princess:

“Please save me from this horrid place.
I will help you the way in.
If you will help me the way out.
Bring a Spanish Flag, a shipload of Green Peas and Fire. :-* <3”

Sir Uptitious called for his servant and said:
”Prepare my ship. I’m sailing off.
For the heart of the cold Frisian Kingdom.
To save a Princess in Distress.”

He took the helm.
And let the wind fill his sails.
Off to this strange land in a ship.
With a Spanish Flag, Green Peas and Fire.

When he arrived at the Frisian coast.
They closed the sluice on him.
And down came a wooden clog on a fishing rod.
Demanding him to pay 11 pieces of gold on entrance.

But Sir Uptitious was well prepared.
For now he hoisted the Spanish Flag.
Spoke onto the lock keeper: “No comprendo, Señor”.
And was let in for free.

His ship was flying into cold Frisia.
Crossing lakes, brooks and canals.
Until he came to a very low bridge.
That he couldn’t pass under.

On the bridge stood an old lady.
With a saw in hand and gave it to him.
The knight knew what he had to do.
So he sawed down the mast.

But still the ship couldn’t fit underneath.
So he flooded the hold containing the Peas with water.
And as the ship lay lower and lower.
Sir Uptitious was finally able to clear the bridge.

As the ship was now unable to sail.
He had to take the oars.
And row the boat with soaked Peas up the canal.
Deeper into cold Frisia.

The weather started to get real frosty now.
And before he knew it.
The canal froze up.
And the ship got stuck in the ice.

But Sir Uptitious trusted the Princess.
So he burned down the ship with Fire.
And with the sawed off mast in hand.
Started stirring the boiling Peas.

It became the biggest green Pea soup a Frisian had ever seen.
Ice skating locals were attracted by its smell.
Sir Uptitious sold the entire soup to a farmer.
For two pair of ice skates and skated further up the canal.

**Act 2: Two Secrets**

Sir Uptitious now arrived at the castle
At the heart of the Frisian Kingdom
Which was next to a frozen lake
Where a big ice skating dance was happening.

Standing on the side watching
He saw a lone maiden in grey.
The knight skated up to her and asked:
”Why is a fair maiden like you not ice-dancing?”

The maiden in grey replied:
”I never ever have conceived a thought
That this ice-dancing existed
And I would enjoy it or not.”

Sir Uptitious replied: “Fair maiden.
For all things in life an introduction is of need.
So let me invite you on the ice
And try these skates on your feet.”

The knight gifted his second pair
To the maiden who had never danced before
The skates fitted her feet as if they were made for her
And they danced together joyfully till midnight.

And now for the first time Sir Uptitious had to admit.
That he had come to the frontier of his cunningness.
For he now lacked any knowledge on how to proceed.
The only thing he knew, was that he trusted the Princess.

Sir Uptitious had just one single question in mind.
And asked the maiden: “Why did you send that bird for me?”
And the maiden replied:
”I have sent many birds. But it was only you who has made it this far.”

“And now I shall tell you one of my 2 secrets.
I’m not a Princess.
I’m a Witch and the King has me trapped in this cold place.
I’m sorry I lied, but it was the only way to get you here.”

“For God’s sake this Kingdom is cold.” Exclaimed Sir Uptitious.
He had not only been betrayed, he had also been outplayed.
”Don’t even tell me what your second secret is!”, he said.
”But since I had fun coming here. Maybe I’ll have fun getting out.”

So he decided to help the Witch regardless.
She brought him to the King’s Royal Stables.
And under the cover of darkness.
They stole two horses and bolted for the border.

The King quickly discovered the escape.
And was as furious as a King could be.
So he ordered two groups of mounted soldiers
To chase down and arrest the Witch and her helper.

**Act 3: The Escape**

The Witch and Sir Uptitious galloped as fast as they could.
But the chasing teams were catching up.
In a little village they dismounted their horses.
The Witch took out her wand.

And transformed herself into a Library
Sir Uptitious became an old man
Standing outside with a pipe and match
Which were the two horses.

The first chasing teams came in just after
And stopped in front of the Library
And asked the old man:
”Have you seen the King’s Witch? She has escaped.”

The old man replied: “Seen? You mean as in recognized? As in if I know her?
Have read about her? Have discovered her? Have found her?
Have not forgotten about her? Have remembered her?
Have imagined her? Then yes my lads. I have seen her.”

“Please come in. Follow me into my Library.
For I’ll show you her for she lives in my books.”
The oblivious soldiers now looked at each other.
And concluded they didn’t see the Witch.

The soldiers reported back to the King.
They said: “We have only seen and old man and his Library”
The King replied: “Then why didn’t you bring them back?”
And chopped off their heads.

Meanwhile the Witch and Sir Uptitious continued on.
And they got to the next village.
But the second team was encroaching on them.
So they dismounted and the Witch again took her wand.

Now she transformed into a Planetarium.
And Uptitious became an Astronomer.
There was also a clock and a telescope.
Which were the two horses.

Then the second chase team arrived just after
And stopped in front of the Planetarium.
And asked the Astronomer:
”Have you seen the King’s Witch? She has escaped.”

The old man replied: “Seen? You mean as in observed? As in if I recorded her?
Have measured her? Have experimented with her? Have detected her?
Have calculated her? Whether I deduced her?
Have experienced her? Then yes my lads. I have seen her.”

“Please come in. Follow me into my Planetarium.
For I’ll show you her for she lives in the planets and the stars.”
The oblivious soldiers looked at each other.
And concluded they didn’t see the Witch.

The soldiers reported back to the King.
They said: “We have only seen an Astronomer and his Planetarium”
The King replied: “Then why didn’t you bring them back?”
And chopped off their heads. And now had to stop the Witch himself.

The Witch and Sir Uptitious were closing in on the border.
And they got to the final village.
But the furious King was almost on them.
For a final time she took her wand.

And transformed herself into a jar of Mustard.
Uptitious became a big Cheese with holes.
And the horses became a chair and table.
That served the Cheese and Mustard.

The King now came in blazing.
Saw the table, chair, Cheese and Mustard.
And knew what the hell was going on.
He started eating, dipping the Cheese into the Mustard.

But the Cheese was big
And the Mustard plenty.
Though the King was a mad man.
He ate until everything was gone including the chair and table.

He had eaten so much.
That he became very ill.
And desperately ran across the border.
Where he died soon after.

His body became a hill.
And on it a church with bell appeared.
That were the two horses.
And inside stood the Witch and Sir Uptitious.

“Thank you for saving me.” She said to him.
”You did as well coming in as you did going out.
I have heard what you asked me not to do.
But still I’m going to tell you what my second secret is.”

“Sir Uptitious, you are much more than you know.
Stop wasting your time playing a Knight.
And become who you really are: a Wizard.
Like I once became a Witch.”

Sir Uptitious replied:
”I never ever have conceived a thought
That I could be a Wizard
And be great at it or not.”

The Witch replied: “Dear Friend,
For all things in life an introduction is of need.
So let me invite you onto the path
Where you and your destiny shall meet.”

And that’s how the Frisian Witch was freed.
And Sir Uptitious found his destiny.
And on that hill, in celebration of their great adventure.
A Mustard Museum was built, still open today for tourists and hungry people.

And they never ever returned to that horrid cold Kingdom again.