How the Fairy Godfather Got Cinderella to the Ball

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    After her stepsisters had left for the ball Cinderella sat down and cried but, as she sat crying, thinking how cruel her sisters were to her, she heard a voice calling to her from the garden. Drying her eyes she went out to see who was there. She was surprised to find a large man of around seventy years of age standing outside the back door. He was wearing a stylish suit and had a fedora on his head, he clenched a large cigar in his right hand and under his left arm was what looked to be a violin case.

    ‘Hello, who are you?’ asked Cinderella.

    ‘Hey, Doll, stop with the crying will ya. I’d have thought you’d’ve guessed. I’m your fairy godfather an’ I’m a here to make you an offer you can’t refuse.’

    ‘Sorry, you’ve got me confused, I’d expected my fairy godmother to show up to help if anyone did,’

    ‘I’m from the MAFIA, that’s the magically associated fairies initiating aid, we’re an equal opportunities organisation, that’s why you’ve got me, your fairy godfather, rather than some random dippy old broad of a fairy godmother. The MAFIA seeks to help out the magically disadvantaged, such as yourself. It works on a quid pro quo basis, we help you out now on the understanding that when the time comes you owe us a favour. That time may never come but if it does you’ll promise to do what we ask, capisce?’

    ‘Anything, anything, I want to go to the ball so much and it’s just so unfair that my cruel stepsisters get to go but I don’t, especially when all the ladies in the land have been invited’

    ‘As I said, don’t cry Cinderella, you shall go to the ball. Hey, you’re a good kid, you desoive to go.’ With that the fairy godfather opened up his violin case and took out a magnificent wand. Chewing on his cigar he waved the wand through the air leaving a trail of sparkling pixie dust in its path.

    ‘OK, kid, I’m just warming up here. What do we need? Well I guess we need to get you to the ball in style. You’re gonna need a limo. How’s about a nice big Caddy? No? Perhaps a Lincoln Continental?’ Cinderella looked at him blankly. He continued, ‘What about one of doze fancy foreign imports? A Rolls Royce or a Mercedes-Maybach?’

    ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. If I’m going to go to the ball in style I need a fine carriage and attendants.’

    ‘The old fashioned way huh! You’ve got the moxie, sister. And you know what they say, “When you’ve got the moxie, you need the clothes to match” – I’ll get to that in a moment but first we’re gonna need a big pumpkin.’

    Cinderella went off into the garden, wondering to herself how it would help her get to the ball, and came back shortly with a fine ripe pumpkin. The fairy godfather eyed it suspiciously, ‘Jeez, that’s some squash you’ve got there. That’d make one heck of a jack o’ lantern come Halloween. Stand back while I turn it into a carriage fit for a princess’. Pulling out a large switchblade he hollowed out the pumpkin with a few deft flicks. Puffing on his cigar he blew out a great cloud of smoke obscuring the pumpkin, he then reached into the cloud with his wand, touched the pumpkin whilst muttering something indiscernible under his breath and there was an explosion of pixie dust. As the smoke cleared away a magnificent gilded carriage was revealed.

    Next the fairy instructed Cinderella to go off and check the traps set about the house and to come back with at least one rat and six mice. As she went about her task the Don, as he was known to his family, admired his work, grudgingly admitting to himself that it was a more impressive means of transport than any limousine he’d ever seen. She returned with a rat and six mice as requested and presented them to the fairy. Taking the rat by its nape the fairy godfather inhaled on his cigar then gently blew a stream of smoke over it. He placed the rat on the ground and touched it with his wand, there was a sparkling in the air, and all of a sudden there was a tall handsome coachman standing in its place. The fairy repeated the process with each of the six mice in turn and presently there was a fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-coloured, dapple grey. The coachman busied himself hitching the horses to the carriage. As the fairy godfather watched him work he mused that something was missing. Surely Cinderella could not travel in such a coach without a retinue of attendants?

    ‘Now we need footmen to attend to you and accompany you to the ball. Go and look behind the potting shed Cinderella, I think that there you’ll find a group of lizards basking there, bring me four of them.’ Taking the net that she used to hunt butterflies in the summer, Cinderella went and caught four lizards and brought them back to her fairy godfather. He looked at them and muttered something to the effect that they reminded him of a bunch of goodfellas that he used to know. Once again he breathed cigar smoke over the animals that Cinderella had brought to him and touched them in turn with his wand, sparks flying everywhere. Four smartly liveried footmen stood beside the coach ready, waiting to escort her.

    ‘You’re a spirited young lady, you’ve fetched me all we needed for me to get you to the ball in style. As I said before you’ve got the moxie, now I’ll give you the clothes to match.’

    ‘I hope you’re not going to breath that horrid cigar smoke over me.’ Said Cinderella, backing away.

    ‘No need beautiful, just stand still a moment and I’ll see what I can do.’ The fairy traced Cinderella’s form with his wand and as he did so, with a faint shimmering, her clothes changed from rags to the finest satin and silk. He studied her for a what seemed like a minute before leaning in with his wand to touch her hair, leaving diamonds shining there. He hesitated then touched her neck and her wrists leaving her with a jewelled necklace and matching bracelets.

    ‘Looking good, kid. Looking like a million dollars. Just one final touch.’ And with that he wove his wand over her feet leaving her shod in a delicate pair of glass slippers.

    ‘Now off to the ball with you, Sweetheart, enjoy yourself. But remember, youse gotta leave the ball before the clock strikes twelve otherwise your dress will turn back to rags. I’m happy for the opportunity to give you some pleasure, but things mustn’t go too far on a first date. I expect that you will show your respect by obeying me, capisce?’

    Cinderella kissed and thanked her fairy godfather for all his help. He blushed then said, ‘Let me know if you want anything done with your stepsisters. One word from you and they could be sleeping with the fishes.’

    ‘Oh, I could never ask for anything like that. They might seem cruel but it’s just unthinking foolishness. I’m sure that they’ll grow out of it. I must go or the ball will be over before I get there. Thank you again for all your help.’ The footmen helped her into her coach and then jumped up behind her before they drove off in great style.

    And so it was that Cinderella was received at the King’s palace as an honoured guest. The Lord Chamberlain bowed low before her thinking she must be some great lady on account of her dress and her carriage, and showed her at once into the ball-room, and the Don returned to Fairyland and the MAFIA with a smile on his lips and the feeling of a job well done.

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